Fauci to recommend ‘Flatulence Suppressors’ to combat COVID

Fauci to recommend ‘flatulence suppressors’ to combat COVID

by Hatrick Penry


(Washington D.C.)

In a COVID related press conference, Dr. Anthony Fauci has begun to recommend ‘flatulence suppressors’ to combat the transmission of COVID-19 in light of recent findings regarding the ability of the virus to spread via gaseous expulsions from the human body.

“We have to combat this virus wherever it may be,” said Dr. Fauci at Friday’s press conference, “and in light of recent findings by health officials in Australia, findings that indicate COVID may be transmitted via airborne flatulence, I have no choice but to recommend, no INSIST, that all Americans utilize a ‘flatulence suppressor’. This new and effective device is to be inserted in the anal orifice at all times, blocking the flow of gases carrying the COVID virus. Naturally it is for the protection of others, and any decent, patriotic American should be more than willing to take this new precaution.”

When asked by a reporter “Isn’t this really just a ‘butt plug’?” Dr. Fauci responded: “This is NOT a butt plug, it is a ‘flatulence suppressor’; two totally different things. The flatulence suppressor is a medical device.”

Dr. Fauci went on to say: “I’ll be talking with the President later today in an effort to secure funding for the 332 million suppressors that will be needed for Americans.”

“The ‘flatulence suppressors’ are about this small and are easily insertable” -Dr. Fauci

(editors note: this article is satire and not to be taken seriously)

About hatrick penry

FAIR USE NOTICE: These Videos and articles may contain copyrighted (© ) material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. Such material is made available to advance understanding of ecological, political, human rights, economic, democracy, scientific, moral, ethical, and social justice issues, etc. It is believed that this constitutes a ‘fair use’ of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, this material is distributed without profit to those who have expressed a prior general interest in receiving similar information for research and educational purposes. For more information go to: http://www.law.cornell.edu/uscode

Posted on July 30, 2021, in Coronavirus Pandemic and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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